Culture Shock Reversed

I`m the worst culprit for sentimentalising England; I talk constantly of how beautiful it is, how wonderful the North is, how incredible the people are, how good the food is (but then that`s just because I live in Fenham right, and was therefore privvy to the cooking of Cait, Suzanne, All of 151, Alan and Kirsty - I was seriously priviledged!), and although I`m definitely not ready to leave Japan and it is definitely my second home, I long for Europe constantly and it has become this romantic notion in my head. Stirling`s euroenvy seriously rubbed off on me and I also find myself a Europhile! (but being European kind of makes this ok, although if anything it is a bit narcissistic.)

Anyway.... the point of all this is that I will be on home soil in less than 5 days, and although filled with excitement and expectations, I am also beginning to see things a bit differently, and have become hyper aware of the things I have taken for granted about Japan and will no longer take for granted once I`ve landed in England.

First of all, the constant "sumimasen" and bowing thing is going to have to stop, because if I accidentally find myself being apologetic or humble to a charva for having got in the way of his elbow or aggressive stare, I am going to get the shit beaten out of me right off. Charvas show no mercy.

Secondly, the mobile phone thing. Can you believe it is considered less anti social to drink alcohol on a bus/train than it is to use your phone??? Once I accidentally picked up the phone to Emily whilst on the bus - the bus driver proceeded to stop the bus on a busy road, come to the back of the bus to give me a right telling off. I felt utterly shamefaced, as the whole bus looked at me with that how could you possibly do something so terrible as to talk on your phone on a BUS????? Seriously shameful. However, getting very drunk on a bus or train is not just acceptable, it is looked on with a kind of, ahhh, isn`t that nice. So i`ve gotten used to a bus/train full of Japanese furiously texting away, but complete silence with nobody shouting down the phone what the want for their tea or what time they will be home. Thats going to be another shock once back in England.

I think i`m going to feel like i`m suffering from schizophrenia for a few days. Not being able to understand 99% of what everybody around me is talking about (you think that would have changed by now??!! PAH!) kind of results in you screening out the talking voices so you eventually don`t even realise people are talking. I remember mine and Leanne`s first night in Thailand in Koh San Road (the belly of the beast), we had to crawl back to our hotel room with shellshock due to all the English speaking tourists shouting at each other, and being able to understand everybody again, and well, the volume level being ten times what it is in Japan. I reckon it will be the same in England. How weird to be able to understand what is going on around me again, voices EVERYWHERE.

Then there is the incredibly polite Arigatou Gozaimasu in STEREO whenever you leave a restaurant/cafe, the whole staff thanking you for eating/drinking there. Although i find Geordie`s particularly friendly, you still get the odd scowl from somebody for simply having walked in/out of a shop or cafe, having expected them to do their jobs. I can see me constantly asking myself what I did to offend that person.

7/11`s. I am scared of a world without a 7/11. A world without 24hour beer, food, anything your heart desires - all can be found in the 7/11 at anytime of day or night.

My bag is definitely going to get nicked. I remember years before I came to Japan, somebody told me a story about these two business men who watched a girl on a reception desk go to lunch, and she left her bag wide open on the desk - the business men asked her if she wasn`t going to take her bag with her for safety`s sake, and she just looked at them in confusion and asked why she would need to do that? Obviously at the time it seems a bit unbelievable that you could leave a bag wide in absolute comfort nothing would happen to it, but I`ve fallen under the same spell. I constantly leave my bag open on the train as I fall asleep - leave it sitting on a table with my wallet and phone for all to grab as I go to the counter or toilet. Friends often forget to take their keys out of their bike locks and come back days later and the bike and the key is still there. So, as I said before, my bag is DEFINITELY going to get nicked. I am going to have to have a BIG talking to myself.

Not being foreign anymore - this is going to be a challenge in itself. Like, here, any mistake you make, anything that is slightly difficult, any slow reaction or behaviour out of the norm - all is accepted with a kind of well, they`re foreign, we couldn`t expect them to understand! (this is a huge generalisation and of course there are many Japanese who expect the same standards from us as the natives, but generally speaking....).

So, I am going to have to toughen up, be on guard, not cry when a bouncer gives me an aggressive once over and checks my bag, not cry when I realise I have forgotten how to use the phone, not cry when I see a world with charvas in it again, er.... not cry full stop. I plan to spend the whole time inebriated on scrumpy jack, to soften the edges a bit. Thank god that I am heading straight to Fenham, land of Cait, land of Kirsty, land of Vicky, land of Dan, land of Emily, land of everybody who will help me adjust to the culture shock of coming home and remind me why I am coming home.

I cannae wait like!